Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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