Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
