I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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