I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize