You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
