I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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