Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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