I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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