im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
