how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
