My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
