when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
