i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
