I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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