I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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