I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
