I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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