I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
