Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
