The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize