DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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