Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
