Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
