were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
