just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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