Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
