i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize