You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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