So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your penis caused this!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
