Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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