i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
