i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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