Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if only i could text you this smell
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
