i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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