walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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