thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
