Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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