We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
