Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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