I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
