You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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