I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
