I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
