I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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