She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
