Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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