well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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