The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
