Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize