It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
