thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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