I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
