That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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