but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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