I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
