If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
