i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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