After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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