I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
