I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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