when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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