she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
