I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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