He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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