Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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