i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
