Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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