the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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