i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
