you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
