I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
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