I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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